You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
