I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
