I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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