For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
