Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
