did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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