Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
