i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
