All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
