i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
