i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
