Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
