i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
