$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
