I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
