is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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