I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
