You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
