so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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