how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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