yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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