Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
