i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
