Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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