just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
