im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
