wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
