I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
