i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
