Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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