i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
