You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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