Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
