Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
