just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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