Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
