So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
