im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So many bounce houses so little time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
