Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
