You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
