Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
