So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
