Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't EVER smell your tampon
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
