this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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