things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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