***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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