When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
