I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
