my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
