I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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