if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
