I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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