Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
